The Wind and The Lizard
"One evening I seated Beauty on my knees. And I found her bitter. And I cursed her."
Arthur Rimbaud
“I hope my silence will convince her” L. thought for himself. He wiped off the sweat on his forehead and continued to watch as the old woman in front of him slowly stirred the solution in a brownish jar. It had been a hard day for him, asking people around for directions under a scorching July sun, and he had quickly found out that Javanese people are not extremely talkative during this month.
“I don’t know whether I should be doing this, you know, people are awfully suspicious around here.” The woman suddenly said with her local accent. “There is no slametan that will suffice to authorize it.”
L. knew how important the religious ritual of slametan was for the preservation of social order in Javanese society. It is used to bless and in the same time authorize almost any object, event and purpose in Javanese culture. Slametans make it’s subject accepted by the whole, to all the rest of the people and it protects it from bad spirits.
“ Yes I know, but I will pay you more than sufficiently in order to make up for it later.” With this he took out his wallet and handed the woman 800 rupiah. The woman looked at the money and then on L. with a surprised look on her face.
“But Sir that… that would be too much! I just couldn’t. ”
L. knew that it was an incredible sum of money, the same amount would easily pay for a wedding slametan, but he was willing to pay it even though he didn’t believe in slametans. As a Dutch lieutenant he was already risking his reputation wandering around in these parts of Modjokuto, which where considered by many as the lowest and most degrading of all the towns.
The old woman finally accepted the money and hid it under a yellow shirt that lay on a small round table next to her bed.
“You know that it will be useless to give a slametan after you have consumed the potion. The damage will already have been done.”
“I don’t care, the most important thing is that it is well prepared , and I trust that it is so - Isn’t it? ”
“Oh yes of course. I always make it like it should be done and according to ancient custom. You will not be disappointed.”
With this L. took a step towards the old woman and looked at the jar she was holding. The woman quickly poured it into a small flask and handed it to him. L. looked at her briefly and then turned towards the exit to make his leave. The woman walked passed him to the door and slowly opened it, at the same time looking as to make sure no one was watching. When given the signal L. rapidly walked out and made a sharp turn to the left towards the main street outside. He would have to hurry to the hotel before the local police started patrolling the streets. It wouldn’t look good if he was caught walking these streets at such an inappropriate hour.
2.
Back at the hotel L. had a difficult time hiding his emotions. He was euphoric to say the least. He was thinking to himself how lucky he had been finding what he had been looking for. The curtain of the balcony door seemed to mimic his excitement by tossing with the night wind. After having secured all doors and windows, he now found himself left with the final task, to make sure that the old woman had not tricked him. Opening the upper drawer of the night table L. picked up a small leather pouch. Placing it on the small night table(stand) and then opening it, a small lizard of a greenish color crawled out. It was a tiny thing, just four to five centimeters in length and with small teeth that seemed to loose themselves within a straight line that was its mouth. L. picked it up and held it up against the dim light cast by the ceiling lamp.
“ What will you show me tonight my little friend ? ” L. reached for the potion which he had laid on the bed. It was slippery with its own solution. L. hesitated to lick his fingers. The lizard was in a firm grip in his hands and he poured some of the solution on it’s head. While waiting for the liquid to be absorbed into the lizards skin, L. poured some of it on his own frown. He knew that he would feel dizzy. The old woman had instructed him to lay down when using the potion and he quickly lay down on the bed while placing the lizard beside him.
He felt his eye lids becoming increasingly heavy. He strained to keep them open. He was falling asleep. A tickling sensation ran across his face. He opened his mouth to gasp but was unable to breath. He felt paralyzed and wanted to scream.
L. opened his eyes. His heart almost exploded. It was pounding so fast and so out of place that he felt a panic attack running amok within his senses. He saw things in a shade of gray, unreal and without warmth. The surrounding vista was made up of a dune like landscape that seemed to engulf him with waves of texture. He was still on the bed but he didn’t feel like himself. Was he the lizard now?
The wind that blew inside the room seemed as a hurricane to him. He seeked shelter within the soft fabric of the bed. Not daring to move, he struggled not to breathe to heavy or loose control. It was hard. He didn’t control the lizards body completely, and saw himself being carried away in an incredible speed towards the wall next to the pillows. He felt light, almost floating in the air. Dizzy and disoriented L. felt like puking. Do lizards vomit? he thought while trying to open his or its mouth. Nothing. He was confined to the lizards own needs which didn’t seem to include puking at the moment. The lizard was now running up the wall with such swiftness that L. didn’t even try to control it. As not to distract it, L. tried to close his eyes. He didn’t want to make it fall down from such a height. His heart was pounding terribly fast, banging violently and making his senses tremble. The room seemed to blur out in a whirling frenzy of passing images. The lizard was running down the wall now, towards the opening to the balcony. In this moment L. could see himself stretched out on the bed. It was terrible, not only was he inside the lizard but he had no control of his own body now. There was suddenly a big bang, an explosion that tore his mind apart.
He opened his eyes. He was looking at the ceiling. It looked almost warm, full with colors. Was he himself again? After trying to touch his face with his hand he breathed out with an incredible sense of relief. He was himself, thank God, he hadn’t become lost or trapped inside the lizard. But what about the lizard?
He looked for the lizard but couldn’t see it. He searched the room without success. When stepping out on to the balcony he finally found it. It was laying on the floor, motionless. L. poked at it with his right index finger, nothing. It was apparently dead. L. picked it up and threw it into the bushes outside.
3.
It was late in the evening when L. arrived to Djakarta. The streets were sprawling with life like in a mass epileptic seizure. The increased worries of a possible Japanese invasion seemed to cut a deep gaping wound into Djakarta’s night life. Even though General Ter Poorten had dispatched enough soldiers to safeguard the coast to the South Chinese Sea , there was a common disbelief in the Dutch army’s capabilities of defending its colonies - if not assisted by allied forces; L. knew that the moment had arrived. He could sense it in the July breeze which was thick with excitement. The flaming atmosphere seemed to hold its breath waiting for the perfect moment to unleash its fury.
He sat down on a chair outside one of the cafeterias most frequented by Dutch servicemen in Djakarta -‘The Silent Swan’- and gestured for one of the waiters to take his order. The small establishment was to become his hiding place from the brooding evening. The thick night seemed to mingle with the hysteria of the city, choking the last breaths of peace and tranquillity out of him. But at least he was sitting down. He tried to act unaffected by the stir outside. The whirling faces with their transfixed stares and gaping mouths, where common expressions of the people who passed by him. He imagined them as fishes in a pond that was now being emptied of it’s water. He ordered another drink, whisky on the rocks. Maybe the drink could help him maintain a decent pose; he wasn’t going to let the locals see him as a coward or a panic stricken fool running around the streets like they were doing.
While there, L. suddenly felt someone grabbing at his shoulder. He turned reluctantly to see who it was. A tall man in uniform and with a big mustache was drooping over him, almost walrus like. It was Captain Lodewyk Aartse, one of the regiments few men dispatched to Djakarta almost two years earlier than L. The arrogance still showed on his smiling face that glistened with sweat and apparent exhaustion.
“Still sipping away the hours, aren’t we?” The captain grabbed a chair and seated himself next to L.
“Maybe, but why not, nothing seems to be happening here anyway”
Ignoring the irony in L.’s last remark, the Captain motioned for a drink, while seating himself on a chair next to L’s.
“I guess you know why I’m here”
“Honestly, I don’t”
“Look around , don’t you think people are a bit happier than usual?
“They want us to leave, those bastards.” “
“All this dam commotion outside - its euphoria disguised!”
The possibility of a Japanese invasion was quite real by now.
“Why would they prefer the Japanese from us?” L. asked reluctantly.
“I dont know but they sure seem to”
The Captain didn’t seem to like much of his surroundings. L. wanted to ask the Captain why he so disliked the Javanese people – didn’t he find Javanese culture mystical and exciting, it’s people friendly and colorful? He asked the Captain instead whether he wanted another drink.
After several more drinks the Captain said:
“ I hope you have your things ready, we’re leaving for Borneo on Friday. They badly need the reinforcements and I guess the Japanese are staging their initial attacks for next week by now.”
Dammed all this fighting, he thought. Why should he be sent of to Borneo?
He had been so sure that he was to be stationed at Java until things got stable. What about his plans?
He had wanted so much to discover other objects that he could collect before leaving the island.
“Well, thank you for the drinks, I hope you report yourself to headquarters by noon tomorrow, remember we don’t have much time. I’ll see you later.”
The Captain rose, almost tipping the chair over, he was drunk but made his best not to cause a scene. L. shook his hand and rose he too. He felt a bit wobbly, maybe he was just tired. He didn’t give it much thought.
The day had ended. The sky was dark blue with the last tones of red and yellow fading away.
They both stepped out on the street and said goodbye once more - parting ways later on.
Arthur Rimbaud
“I hope my silence will convince her” L. thought for himself. He wiped off the sweat on his forehead and continued to watch as the old woman in front of him slowly stirred the solution in a brownish jar. It had been a hard day for him, asking people around for directions under a scorching July sun, and he had quickly found out that Javanese people are not extremely talkative during this month.
“I don’t know whether I should be doing this, you know, people are awfully suspicious around here.” The woman suddenly said with her local accent. “There is no slametan that will suffice to authorize it.”
L. knew how important the religious ritual of slametan was for the preservation of social order in Javanese society. It is used to bless and in the same time authorize almost any object, event and purpose in Javanese culture. Slametans make it’s subject accepted by the whole, to all the rest of the people and it protects it from bad spirits.
“ Yes I know, but I will pay you more than sufficiently in order to make up for it later.” With this he took out his wallet and handed the woman 800 rupiah. The woman looked at the money and then on L. with a surprised look on her face.
“But Sir that… that would be too much! I just couldn’t. ”
L. knew that it was an incredible sum of money, the same amount would easily pay for a wedding slametan, but he was willing to pay it even though he didn’t believe in slametans. As a Dutch lieutenant he was already risking his reputation wandering around in these parts of Modjokuto, which where considered by many as the lowest and most degrading of all the towns.
The old woman finally accepted the money and hid it under a yellow shirt that lay on a small round table next to her bed.
“You know that it will be useless to give a slametan after you have consumed the potion. The damage will already have been done.”
“I don’t care, the most important thing is that it is well prepared , and I trust that it is so - Isn’t it? ”
“Oh yes of course. I always make it like it should be done and according to ancient custom. You will not be disappointed.”
With this L. took a step towards the old woman and looked at the jar she was holding. The woman quickly poured it into a small flask and handed it to him. L. looked at her briefly and then turned towards the exit to make his leave. The woman walked passed him to the door and slowly opened it, at the same time looking as to make sure no one was watching. When given the signal L. rapidly walked out and made a sharp turn to the left towards the main street outside. He would have to hurry to the hotel before the local police started patrolling the streets. It wouldn’t look good if he was caught walking these streets at such an inappropriate hour.
2.
Back at the hotel L. had a difficult time hiding his emotions. He was euphoric to say the least. He was thinking to himself how lucky he had been finding what he had been looking for. The curtain of the balcony door seemed to mimic his excitement by tossing with the night wind. After having secured all doors and windows, he now found himself left with the final task, to make sure that the old woman had not tricked him. Opening the upper drawer of the night table L. picked up a small leather pouch. Placing it on the small night table(stand) and then opening it, a small lizard of a greenish color crawled out. It was a tiny thing, just four to five centimeters in length and with small teeth that seemed to loose themselves within a straight line that was its mouth. L. picked it up and held it up against the dim light cast by the ceiling lamp.
“ What will you show me tonight my little friend ? ” L. reached for the potion which he had laid on the bed. It was slippery with its own solution. L. hesitated to lick his fingers. The lizard was in a firm grip in his hands and he poured some of the solution on it’s head. While waiting for the liquid to be absorbed into the lizards skin, L. poured some of it on his own frown. He knew that he would feel dizzy. The old woman had instructed him to lay down when using the potion and he quickly lay down on the bed while placing the lizard beside him.
He felt his eye lids becoming increasingly heavy. He strained to keep them open. He was falling asleep. A tickling sensation ran across his face. He opened his mouth to gasp but was unable to breath. He felt paralyzed and wanted to scream.
L. opened his eyes. His heart almost exploded. It was pounding so fast and so out of place that he felt a panic attack running amok within his senses. He saw things in a shade of gray, unreal and without warmth. The surrounding vista was made up of a dune like landscape that seemed to engulf him with waves of texture. He was still on the bed but he didn’t feel like himself. Was he the lizard now?
The wind that blew inside the room seemed as a hurricane to him. He seeked shelter within the soft fabric of the bed. Not daring to move, he struggled not to breathe to heavy or loose control. It was hard. He didn’t control the lizards body completely, and saw himself being carried away in an incredible speed towards the wall next to the pillows. He felt light, almost floating in the air. Dizzy and disoriented L. felt like puking. Do lizards vomit? he thought while trying to open his or its mouth. Nothing. He was confined to the lizards own needs which didn’t seem to include puking at the moment. The lizard was now running up the wall with such swiftness that L. didn’t even try to control it. As not to distract it, L. tried to close his eyes. He didn’t want to make it fall down from such a height. His heart was pounding terribly fast, banging violently and making his senses tremble. The room seemed to blur out in a whirling frenzy of passing images. The lizard was running down the wall now, towards the opening to the balcony. In this moment L. could see himself stretched out on the bed. It was terrible, not only was he inside the lizard but he had no control of his own body now. There was suddenly a big bang, an explosion that tore his mind apart.
He opened his eyes. He was looking at the ceiling. It looked almost warm, full with colors. Was he himself again? After trying to touch his face with his hand he breathed out with an incredible sense of relief. He was himself, thank God, he hadn’t become lost or trapped inside the lizard. But what about the lizard?
He looked for the lizard but couldn’t see it. He searched the room without success. When stepping out on to the balcony he finally found it. It was laying on the floor, motionless. L. poked at it with his right index finger, nothing. It was apparently dead. L. picked it up and threw it into the bushes outside.
3.
It was late in the evening when L. arrived to Djakarta. The streets were sprawling with life like in a mass epileptic seizure. The increased worries of a possible Japanese invasion seemed to cut a deep gaping wound into Djakarta’s night life. Even though General Ter Poorten had dispatched enough soldiers to safeguard the coast to the South Chinese Sea , there was a common disbelief in the Dutch army’s capabilities of defending its colonies - if not assisted by allied forces; L. knew that the moment had arrived. He could sense it in the July breeze which was thick with excitement. The flaming atmosphere seemed to hold its breath waiting for the perfect moment to unleash its fury.
He sat down on a chair outside one of the cafeterias most frequented by Dutch servicemen in Djakarta -‘The Silent Swan’- and gestured for one of the waiters to take his order. The small establishment was to become his hiding place from the brooding evening. The thick night seemed to mingle with the hysteria of the city, choking the last breaths of peace and tranquillity out of him. But at least he was sitting down. He tried to act unaffected by the stir outside. The whirling faces with their transfixed stares and gaping mouths, where common expressions of the people who passed by him. He imagined them as fishes in a pond that was now being emptied of it’s water. He ordered another drink, whisky on the rocks. Maybe the drink could help him maintain a decent pose; he wasn’t going to let the locals see him as a coward or a panic stricken fool running around the streets like they were doing.
While there, L. suddenly felt someone grabbing at his shoulder. He turned reluctantly to see who it was. A tall man in uniform and with a big mustache was drooping over him, almost walrus like. It was Captain Lodewyk Aartse, one of the regiments few men dispatched to Djakarta almost two years earlier than L. The arrogance still showed on his smiling face that glistened with sweat and apparent exhaustion.
“Still sipping away the hours, aren’t we?” The captain grabbed a chair and seated himself next to L.
“Maybe, but why not, nothing seems to be happening here anyway”
Ignoring the irony in L.’s last remark, the Captain motioned for a drink, while seating himself on a chair next to L’s.
“I guess you know why I’m here”
“Honestly, I don’t”
“Look around , don’t you think people are a bit happier than usual?
“They want us to leave, those bastards.” “
“All this dam commotion outside - its euphoria disguised!”
The possibility of a Japanese invasion was quite real by now.
“Why would they prefer the Japanese from us?” L. asked reluctantly.
“I dont know but they sure seem to”
The Captain didn’t seem to like much of his surroundings. L. wanted to ask the Captain why he so disliked the Javanese people – didn’t he find Javanese culture mystical and exciting, it’s people friendly and colorful? He asked the Captain instead whether he wanted another drink.
After several more drinks the Captain said:
“ I hope you have your things ready, we’re leaving for Borneo on Friday. They badly need the reinforcements and I guess the Japanese are staging their initial attacks for next week by now.”
Dammed all this fighting, he thought. Why should he be sent of to Borneo?
He had been so sure that he was to be stationed at Java until things got stable. What about his plans?
He had wanted so much to discover other objects that he could collect before leaving the island.
“Well, thank you for the drinks, I hope you report yourself to headquarters by noon tomorrow, remember we don’t have much time. I’ll see you later.”
The Captain rose, almost tipping the chair over, he was drunk but made his best not to cause a scene. L. shook his hand and rose he too. He felt a bit wobbly, maybe he was just tired. He didn’t give it much thought.
The day had ended. The sky was dark blue with the last tones of red and yellow fading away.
They both stepped out on the street and said goodbye once more - parting ways later on.
Etiquetas: My writings
posted by CAV at 11:39 p. m.
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