A New Chapter Hopefully

Finding oneself isn't easy. There have been many paths I've been able to take and most of the time I've been confused both in body and in spirit. What should I make of something, where should I go, what should I do. Certain decisions have been of a negative overtone, I havent trusted in anything or anyone to respond positively and instead I've blurted something out with spite and vengeance. One thing I tried to believe in was my recent relationship with a special person.

I havent blogged about this relationship. I didnt mention the persons name even though she meant alot to me. I only wrote some lines in spanish that summed up how life continues and why some people just cant get along.

What exactly does that mean?

I find it interesting how much one works to fit in, to not hurt others, to not embaress others. It's understandable and good of course but what about other aspects of life where decision making is affected by a preconditioned lifestyle - to consider everyone else, to not act true to oneself.

Listening to my dad over the phone who tells me to find myself, find God, go to church. Being brought up an active catholic doesnt mean I'm practicing now when I'm 30 but there still is something in rediscovering oneself, God or whatever.

I'm moving to a new place soon. A completly new place, an apartment where no one else has lived. Where I can take it easy, call my own place and ponder what options I have without feeling trapped in a place where negative decisions where made. I hope to find myself again. In my own church. Start a new chapter.